As a part of our Effective Communication Skills Training we offer an insight into Transactional
Analysis, a very interesting subject I must say! It offers deep insights into
the various ways we behave depending on which state we are acting out of at
that point of time.
Let me give you a brief about ego states in Transactional Analysis so
that you get a taste of an EffectiveCommunication Skills Training.
What do you think the term Transactional Analysis means? Am sure it’s
pretty simple to guess considering that the words used spell it out quite well!
It means an analysis of transactions. So who are these transactions between? It’s
between two individuals and as you go deeper into Transactional Analysis you
will realize that it also points towards the transactions that an individual
has with him/ herself.
As per the theory, each of us typically operate out of three states
throughout our lives. One is the child state, the second is the adult state and
the third is the parent state. So how do we behave when we are in any of the
three states? Let’s have a look:
Child State: This is
the state when you feel like a child, although you may be an adult! Here also
there are two types of states that your inner child will typically adapt to.
One can be the carefree child or as it’s called, the natural child. This child
throws tantrums and freely does what he wants to. On the other hand we have the
Adaptive child who is scared and obediently listens to everything that he is
told to do. Which state we typically go into depends on what we were as a kid.
If we were fun loving and carefree as a child, we will easily enter the natural
child state whereas if we were the type to constantly do what we were told by
others, we will easily enter into the adaptive child state.
Adult State: This is a
state where we are very logical and do not take decisions instinctively or out
of emotions. Facts and figures determine our decisions. This is considered to
be the best state to be in.
Parent State: This state
is also of two types. One type of parent is the dominating parent who constantly
instructs everyone around them what to do and is very critical. Shouting and
scolding come naturally to this parent. The other type is the nurturing type,
who cares for everyone around and is very affectionate and loving.
These are the main three states or as we call it in TransactionalAnalysis terms, ego states. We tend to constantly switch between these states
depending upon our past experiences. So if you have been an obedient child and
have had a dominating parent, you will mostly tend to switch between these two
states. You may also jump to the other states, but these two will be your
natural states.
Now what do you think will happen if you naturally go into the critical
parent state and interact with your boss or spouse who also tends to operate
from the critical parent state? You land up in a never ending argument with
both of you being critical of each other and resorting to shouting and
screaming to prove your point. If you are in a critical parent state and your
mother is in a free child state, you will keep telling your mother what to do
and she will not listen!
What do you think will happen if you are in a nurturing parent state and
your child is in a free state? On one side it can be an amazing transaction as
the parent will care for the child while the child will be its natural happy
self. On the other side another combination could be that the parent is too
nurturing and limits the freedom of the free child to whom freedom is very
important and hence starts feeling frustrated.
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